A typical experience of trying to find a decent lunch in middle England. Food revolution in the UK??? Obviously not in the South Midlands. Why is it that when travelling in mainland Europe, most little towns will have somewhere decent and clean to pop in to for a quick tasty bite at lunch-time. Not in this country though. So here I am, hungry, and in darkest Nuneaton(don't ask!)on a grey October Wednesday at 12.30. Where to eat? Big problem. Wandered the greasy,chewing gum splattered streets. Marks and Spencer maybe-no Cafe Revive.Then on to a little old fashioned Debenhams store. Went in to the ''restaurant'' and swiftly turned on my heels. It was full of the ''grey and fawn brigade'' getting excited about toasted tea cakes, and micro waved ''baked potatoes'' filled with indeterminable sludges. Other eating options were of the formica topped table variety of cafe, with miserable punters staring out of the steamy windows on to the street, while stuffing baked beans and chips in to their obese pasty faces.

Then, lo and behold I see a Subway Sandwich outlet. Can't be bad I think. Oh dear how wrong can you be. It was staffed by sullen teens who couldn't be bothered to wipe the place clean. I chose the hot teryaki chicken with some bits of garnish.The chicken was wrapped in greaseproof paper and then 'pinged'. I was asked what roll I wanted ''six inches or twelve?' Well there's no answer to that! The filling was then tipped out on to the roll and I took it outside to eat with a 7-Up. I sat at a filthy table desultorily forcing this concoction down my throat whilst inspecting the detritus of an over flowing waste bin nearby. The only saving grace was a little food wagon down the street which was serving real coffees etc from a Gaggia machine.So I had a half decent espresso and a cigarette standing in the drizzle. What a thoroughly depressing experience. I went back to my car and shot out of Nuneaton (None Eaten) as fast as I could. Often when I return home from my various business trips around the UK my wife enquires ''What did you have for lunch today?'' My reply this time was 'Don't even ask!' This episode was typical. REJECTED with knobs on. Don't go to Nuneaton and don't even contemplate a Subway wherever you are. Al Imentada